Do I know you Father?
My heart longs to know you. To feel your presence inside me.
I search for you in your word. I plead for you in my prayers.
In events of my day, I ask myself…is that you…are you there?
Silence greets my thoughts. No word from on high proclaims your presence.
No miracle sparkles in my sight. And yet…
In the silence of my room; I know that you are there.
When quiet; I feel you watching.
I am not always where I should be. I don’t do all that I could do.
Selfishness crowds you out. Blindness empties me of your peace.
I thrash about in frustration. Lack of knowing you saps my strength.
In my pain and anguish, with tears on my face, I cry out to you.
My chest burns with need.
My throat clenches with words and sorrow that I am ashamed to speak.
For in the depths of my being I know you.
I have known you since I was small, though I know not how.
Yet, there is no place that I would rather be.
No place that I can conceive of, would serve me better.
Of my lack, you have abundant evidence.
Of my failures you have lost count.
My sins are without number.
And yet…
There is nowhere for me to turn. No one who can offer me solace.
No one who would forgive me all that I have done. Except you.
So, in humble appeal I lay myself before you.
I offer no excuse. I make no explanations.
I begin today anew. If your will allows it.
I take a deep breath, and ask your forgiveness
And, in spite of my doubts, I fumble through another day.
Regardless of my feelings, I labor in your service.
My hope…
That one day I may stand before you and hear you say…
I am proud of you….my son.
Steve Emmons
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3 comments:
I felt the quote:
"When quiet; I feel you watching."
I've been finding time for the spiritual discipline of solitude. Our modern world is seldom quiet. But when God spoke to Elijah he didn't do it in a roaring fire or mighty wind, he spoke in a whisper.
This really speaks to my heart. I can feel your pain and frustration. I think we all yearn for a deeper and true relationship with God. He is the only one who truly knows all our strengths, weakness, and sins, yet he still loves and forgives us. I love to listen to the quite and speak to God;and I think we all want to stand before him one day and hear him say I know you my son and I am proud of you.
The Psalm inpired me to share my own prayer to God.
Prayer of Desperation
Please hear me, Lord! I am doing the best I can to do the best that I can.
Lift my spirit out of the pit and embue me with passion and strength to do your bidding.
Open my ears so that I may hear; open my eyes that I may see who you are; open my mind that I may know the desires of your heart.
I desire that you should be my one passion and my truest desire. I pray that you alone would be enough to fill the empty spaces that still lurk in the corners of my heart.
Give me understanding and grant me a discerning spirit. Free me from my bonds.
Do not let me long to gain access to my heart's desires through means which are contrary to your word. I look around me and I see others, who do not seek your face, prospering and gaining their desires-they seem to get the best of things.
I have asked you repeated ly to remove from my heart any desire that is not of you and to eradicate anything in my life and my heart that hinders my relationship to you. These desires remain.
Though I constantly seek you, I do not find you in a way that fulfills. I will not give up, though. I do not understand. You said that if I sought you with all of my heart that I would find you.
Are not faithful? Are you not just? Do you not care about my struggles?
I know that you are faithful and just and that you are compassionate to my cries.
Give me faith; disperse my doubts.
I need confirmation that I am doing what is right. Speak Father.
Though I am mere man and have no right to make demands on you, I pleading with you to reveal yourself to me!
I know not which way to go. Guide me. I humbly kneel before you and beg you to answer me! I am so weary of trying to answer these questions on my own.
I love you, Lord.
Seeking You Relentlessly in Jesus' name,
Your Child
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